"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle