"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
