"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers