"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell