"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner