“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.