“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams