“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.