"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes