"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman