"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman