"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous