“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein