“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James