"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown