“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
On Big Ben. “It’s just a big clock? I don’t understand all the hype with this clock. It is literally just a clock. It’s going to be a digital one in thirty years anyway. ”
— Montgomery Smith
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
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