"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
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