"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
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