"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
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