"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
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