"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
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