“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
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