"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
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