I rang up a yoga instructor and asked which class I should take. She said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t do Tuesdays.” – Unknown
“When in doubt, yoga it out.” – Unknown
“I got chucked out of yoga class after misinterpreting Half-Moon Pose.” – Unknown
“I like tea and yoga, but I don’t do yoga.” – Moby
“An instructor once gave the following cue in yoga class: “Relax your pancreas.” I don’t even know where my pancreas is, never mind how to relax it! I giggled for the rest of the class.” – Mel Farrimond
“I love yoga, but the namaste thing only takes you so far.” — Jillian Michaels
“When Chuck Norris does yoga, the sun salutes him.” – Unknown
“Sign for a beginner’s yoga class: Enquire Within.” – Unknown
"You can close your eyes and imagine yourself in a relaxing place. Like on your sofa, not doing yoga."
- Grant Tucke
“I meditate and do yoga. I sit cross-legged and try not to levitate too much.” – Jeremy Brett
“Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time.” — Unknown
"Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I'll ever get to yoga."
- Grant Tucker
"One meditator to another: Are you not thinking what I’m not thinking?" – Unknown
“Yoga class? I thought you said ‘pour a glass’.” – Unknown
“I'm not napping this is savasana.”
- Berndt Vogel
“Yoga is almost like music in a way; there’s no end to it.” — Sting
“Yoga instructor just emailed to say class is moved and thanks for our flexibility.” – Unknown
“All kidding aside, if everyone did yoga, we would have world peace.” — Rory Freedman
"It's funny when people think 'yoga people' are supposed to be calm. No. We're all here because we're nuts." — Unknown
“Yoga. Because punching people is frowned upon.” — Anonymous
“Yoga pants. Because jeans are stressful and you don’t need that in your life.” -Unknown
“I do an hour’s yoga and go running everyday. Then I see a picture of myself and I still look like a skinny, pot bellied idiot — and I thought I had turned into this superhunk!” — Chris Martin
"Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time."
– Sadhguru
“Sorry for what I said before I yoga-ed.” – Unknown
“I talked to a wild group last night. I knew it the minute someone yelled ‘Louder!’ during the silent meditation. – Robert Orben”
“If you fall, I’ll be there. Love, Your Mat” -Unknown
“Let’s face it, I only practice yoga because the classes are always packed with beautiful women.” — Adam Levine
“Yoga is 99% waste removal” — T.K.V Desikachar
“I think yoga should be for everyone, not just the folks who change their name to something Hindu.” — Tara Stiles
“Somedays you eat salad and go do Yoga. Somedays you eat cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. This is called balance.” — Unknown
All my friends complaint about not feeling good, and are freaking out about their lives, and I’m just like, “There’s Yoga pose for that!” — Unknown
“I do Yoga to relieve stress… Just kidding I drink wine in yoga pants.” — Anonymous
“If you think I’m funny now, you should see me when I miss Yoga.” — Anonymous
“A photographer gets people to pose for him. A yoga instructor gets people to pose for themselves.” — Terri Guillemets
“I’ve got 99 problems and I’m gonna go to yoga and solve about 53 of them.” -Unknown
“I do yoga to burn off the crazy” — Anonymous
“I tried yoga once but took off for the mall halfway through class, as I had a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace.” – Terri Guillemets
"Calming the mind is yoga. Not just standing on the head."
- Swami Satchidananda
“Medidation, because some questions can’t be answered by Google.” — Inner Balance Wear
“I think there should be holy war against yoga classes.” — Werner Herzog
“Thanks to yoga, I now gently stretch to conclusions rather than jumping to them.” – Unknown
“Yoga is not about tightening your ass. It’s about getting your head out of it.” — Eric Paskel
“Keep calm and ommm… nonommm…” — Anonymous
“You are one yoga class away from a good mood.” – Unknown
“How to get a yoga body: 1. Have a body 2. Do yoga.” – Unknown
"What did the yogi tell the door-to-door salesperson who came to his home selling vacuum cleaners? Too many attachments!"
- Sadhana Yoga
“Me to my students every day: Close your eyes. If you can still see me, it could be a sign that your eyes are still open.” – Unknown
“Today’s good mood is sponsored by yoga.” – Unknown
“I really regret going to a Yoga class today… said no one ever.” — Unknown
“Smiling is mouth yoga.” — Thich Nhat Hanh
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