“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."
~ Ray Kroc
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
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