“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Anonymous
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die."
~ Bill Watterson
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
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