“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."
~ Ray Kroc
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
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