"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."
~ Ray Kroc
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
“Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” – Anonymous
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