"I am not an early bird or night owl; I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon."
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
– Charles Schulz
"I’m so hot that I contribute to global warming."
"I’m too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener."
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing—that’s why we recommend it daily.”
— Zig Ziglar
"Don’t forget to drink water and get some sun. You’re basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions."
“If you’re searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror.”
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”
– Betty Reese
“I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.”
– Lucille Ball
"Sometimes you just need to lie on the couch and read for a couple of years."
“Don’t worry if people think you’re crazy. You are crazy. You have that kind of intoxicating insanity that lets other people dream outside of the lines and become who they’re destined to be.”
— Jennifer Elisabeth
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”
— Harvey Specter
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
— Jim Henson
“The road to success is always under construction.”
“The bags under my eyes are Prada.”
“Let’s begin by taking a smallish nap or two.”
– A. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
“Self-love seems so often unrequited.”
– Anthony Powell
"If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough."
― Phyllis Diller
“The road to success is always under construction.”
"They say good things take time, so that’s why I’m always late."
“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.”
– Maxwell Maltz
"I give myself sometimes admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it."
― Mary Wortley Montagu
“When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.”
“Bad decisions make good stories.”
– Ellis Vidler
“When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard”, I am always tempted to ask, “Compared to what?””
– Sydney Harris
"I’m so cool I wasn’t actually born, I was defrosted."
“We must fall in love with yourselves. I don’t like myself. I’m crazy about myself.”
– Mae West
"I’m staying home today. I have mood poisoning."
"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood."
— Bill Murray
"It’s a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack."
― Germany Kent
"Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway."
― Robert Downey Jr.
“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.”
– Oscar Wilde
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself."
— Anne Lamott
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
― Elbert Hubbard
"Resting is a part of the process, even if it’s not a part of the plan."
— Carley Schweet
"People who wonder if the glass is half full or half empty miss the point. The glass is refillable."
“Stretch marks are just rad lil’ lightning strikes here to remind you that you are a force of nature.”
"Know your worth, and then make sure to add tax."
“Not everybody has to love me. I can’t force you to have good taste.”
"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
― Margaret Mead
“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
— George Carlin
"The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time."
― Joe Girard
"If it costs you your peace of mind, you’ve overpaid."
— Rigel J. Dawson
“Being different is a revolving door in your life where secure people enter and insecure exit.”
— Shannon L. Alder
“Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.”
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.”
“They laugh at me because I’m different: I laugh at them because they’re all the same.”
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
— Winston Churchill
“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”
"I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful."
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