“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” – Frank A. Clark
“Dear Monday, I want to break up. I’m seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sincerely, it’s not me, it’s you.”
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"They say true love hides in every corner. I must be walking in circles." - Unknown
"No one betrays a Gemini and gets off without a sound ear-bashing."
— Richard MacDonald
“The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'”—Jim Gaffigan
“Do you think Abe Lincoln would have declared Thanksgiving a national holiday if he knew it would mean the Lions play every year?” — Conan O’Brien
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.”
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
“So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends—but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more-positive partnership.”
— Julio Alexi Genao
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
"Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it."
Anonymous
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
― Elbert Hubbard
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
Steve Martin
The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
“If being awesome was a crime, I would be serving a life sentence.”
Anonymous
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“I can speak Esperanto like a native.”
Spike Milligan
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
“Anyone who has time for drama is not gardening enough”
— Anonymous
“Namastay 6 feet away.” – Unknown
“I hate mornings and Mondays. And working. But other than that I am entirely happy.”
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” —Rod Stewart
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
"The closer you are to nature the further you are from idiots.”
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. -- Mahatma Ghandi
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
“This has been such a Monday! I wish I stayed in bed, and I wish that yesterday had never happened.”
– Lisa Mantchev
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“It’s Thanksgiving, and we should not want to be together, together!” —Rachel Green, Friends
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
“Don’t wear perfume in the garden – unless you want to be pollinated by bees.”
— Anne Raver
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
"There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey." -Unknown
“Having kids makes you look stable to the people who thought you were crazy and crazy to the people who thought you were stable.” – Kelly Oxford
"Scorpios are powerful creatures who demand equally potent cocktails."
— Aliza Kelly
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
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