“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”
William James
Step one to running a marathon: You run. There is no step two.
-Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother)
"Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!"
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
“Not everybody has to love me. I can’t force you to have good taste.”
“Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.”
Chris Rock
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“Sometimes, being silly with a friend is the best therapy.”
— Unknown
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30."
"I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups."
Rita Rudner
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
Charles M. Schulz
“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.”
Carrie Underwood
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
“Anyone who has time for drama is not gardening enough”
— Anonymous
"A good run is like a cup of coffee. I'm much nicer after I've had one."
Unknown
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“Yoga. Because punching people is frowned upon.” — Anonymous
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
I went to a therapy group to help me cope with loneliness, but no one else turned up.
Stewart Francis
By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
Charles Wadsworth
"People who say “Good morning” should be forced to prove it."
– Unknown
“A child is a curly dimpled lunatic." – Ralph Emerson
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
- Phyllis Diller.
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
“The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.”—Dorothy Parker
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. -- G. K. Chesterton
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.”
Emo Philips
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." - Henny Youngman
“If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” — Sam Levenson
"If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves." ~ Lane Kirkland
“Take a deep breath and try to relax. I promise – Monday will be over soon.”
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” —Rodney Dangerfield
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
"If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards." — J.A. Redmerski
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
“I might look like I am listening to you, but in my mind, I am hiking.”
“Fine! You guys can all be beautiful snowflakes! I’m gonna go over here and be an awkward snowflake!”
― Robyn Schneider
Go to BabaMail
