"Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth." – Peter Ustinov
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart
“Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.”
- Jodi Picoult.
“I’m totally ‘that dad’ who leaves a note in my son’s lunch box. One day I’ll actually start putting food in there also.”
- Steve Ryan.
“Having a child is liking getting a tattoo on your face. You better be committed.”
- 'Eat Pray Love'.
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is because they have a common enemy.” - Anonymous
“I think every kid thinks their dad is goofy.”
- Judd Apatow.
“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Buttons
“Can he have this?” With first baby: “Is it organic and homemade?” After second baby: “He can have anything except narcotics and alcohol.” - Unknown
"Parenthood is a lot easier to get into then out of." – Bruce Lansky
“The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.” – @ramblinma
“If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon
“I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn’t do what I wanted, I’d kill him.”
- Katherine Hepburn.
“Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.”
- David Frost.
"Some children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going." – Phyllis Diller
“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
“If you like people who do stupid sh#t all the time, become a parent." – Kelly Oxford
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”
- Phyllis Diller.
“Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.”
- Martin Mull.
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
- Leo Burke.
“Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.”
—Doug Larson
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
“On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven, visiting Daddy’s freedom.” – Ryan Reynolds
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”
- James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’
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