“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” - Edmund Stockdale
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
“The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” - Errol Flynn
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
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