“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” – Rita Rudner
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." ~ Spike Milligan
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” - Errol Flynn
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery." ~ Joan Rivers
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” - Edmund Stockdale
“If you think money doesn’t grow on trees, you ain’t checking every limb.” – Chamillionaire
“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
“What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.” –Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
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