“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" ~ John Barrymore
“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” —Samuel L. Jackson
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” Willie Sutton.
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” - Errol Flynn
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
“Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." ~ Spike Milligan
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
"Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street." ~ Jay Leno
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