“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” —Stephen Leacock
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”—Jean Illsley Clarke
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”—Katherine Hepburn
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” — Cher
“I’d like to publicly thank my husband [Dax Shepard] for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day…”—Kristen Bell
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
"After about 15 years I finally figured out that she's always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that." —Barack Obama
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” - Molly McGee
“My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” - Henry Youngman
“I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.”—Cameron Esposito
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
“Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?”—Janet Periat
"Because I always say, if you're married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you're doing really good!" —Michelle Obama
“Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-Rays, but you know it’s there.” - George Burns
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time." —Chris Rock
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
“They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope
“In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” - Natasha Leggero
“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”—George Bernard Shaw
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”—Mickey Rooney
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.”—Kathy Mohnke
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
“No, please, don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!” - Homer Simpson
“What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” - Cindy Garner
"Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
"You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” - Rey Woodman
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”—Wendy Liebman
“We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.” —Henry Youngman
“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.”—Richard Lewis
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” - Groucho Marx
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.”—Lily Tomlin
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.”—Richard Pryor
“An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”—Agatha Christie.
“Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.”—Rory Elder
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”—Ogden Nash
“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” —H. Jackson Brown, Jr
“My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.”—Dr. Joyce Brothers
“Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.”—Elbert Hubbard
“If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” —Aldo Cammarota
"A good marriage is where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal." - Anonymous
“Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.’”—Conan O’Brien
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
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