“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”—Jean Illsley Clarke
“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” —Stephen Leacock
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.”—Joyce Brothers
“The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.”—Dorothy Parker
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.”—Lily Tomlin
“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” - Jenny Seinfeld
“The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” —Rick Reilly
“Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.” —Jay Trachman
“My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” - Henry Youngman
“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... Husband!” —Bill Maher
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
"Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun." —Stephanie Ortiz
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” - Molly McGee
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” - Groucho Marx
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”—Benjamin Franklin
“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” —H. Jackson Brown, Jr
"Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." - Anonymous
"You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” - Rey Woodman
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”—Mickey Rooney
“In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland
"Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park." - Anonymous
“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” - Rita Rudner
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.”- Billy Connolly
"Don't make love by the garden gate - love is blind, but the neighbours ain't." - Anonymous
“Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner—just so they can have the last word.”—Janet Periat
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” - Natasha Leggero
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” —Henny Youngman
"Because I always say, if you're married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you're doing really good!" —Michelle Obama
“I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.”—Cameron Esposito
“Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.’”—Conan O’Brien
“If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” — Sam Levenson
"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass." - Mac MacGuff in Juno
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass." — Rodney Dangerfield,
“Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.”—Rory Elder
"Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature." —Donatella in Letters to Juliet
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” - Joseph Barth
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” — Raymond Hull
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.”—Kathy Mohnke
" Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." — Henny Youngman
“Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”—John Wilmot
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce
“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” - Tim Allen
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time." —Chris Rock
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” - Henry Youngman
Go to BabaMail
