"If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards." — J.A. Redmerski
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
"I love you in a way that's nauseating to others."
- Unknown
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" Jean Illsley Clarke
"Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest."
- Professor Irwin Corey
"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." Garry Shandling
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." – Jackie Mason
"A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days." Tim Allen
"I love love, and I’m very hopeful and was raised on all the fairy tales everyone else had. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and real princesses get beheaded, so I just have a more realistic take on it."
- Amy Schumer
“I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies.” — Mindy Kaling
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."
- Steven Wright
"I can't make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75." — Rob Delaney
"Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome."
- Oscar Levant
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
- Bob Hope
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
"You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps." - Roseanne Barr
"You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories." — Melanie Clark
"I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, 'And another thing ...'” — Felicia Michaels
"Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings." — David Sedaris
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
"The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman." — Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Go to BabaMail
