"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
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