"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
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