"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
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