“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown