"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo