“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
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