“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.