“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
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