“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
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