“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
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