“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
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