“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
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