“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
Jerry Seinfeld
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
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