“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
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