“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
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