“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
Jerry Seinfeld
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
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