“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
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