“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
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