“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
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