“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
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