“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
Jerry Seinfeld
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
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