"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
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