"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
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