"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
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