"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
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