"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
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