"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
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