“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
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