"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”